Me And You

Its been a whirl wind of a year, I’ve cried more than ever before I think that’s thanks to lack of sleep – but for you my lil Bunny I’d give up sleep forever if I had too.

I wont lie, its been a bumpy road.  Going back to work when you were six months old wasnt easy but I got on with it so that I could ensure you and I would have what we needed and hopefully a bit more too.. Some days I feel powerful and proud; proud for all I did to bring you into this world and proud that I am doing everyday as a single working Mother with the most friendly, happy, beautiful little girl in the world and on other days I melt feeling as though I’m not doing either of my two jobs as I should feeling guilty for not seeing you more and not being in the same room as you more.  But then your Nana or your Aunty will remind me Im just a new Mum, a great Mum who loves her Roxy Bunny and that the stresses in my world are the same as most new mums.

Things change for you and I every day – they change as you grow, learn, develop..  You’re friendly, happy and funny.  You have a smile that turns me to jelly and currently a screech that hurts my ears (haha).  You are determined (hence the screech) and inquisitive and your memory is on fire!  I try to hide things from you, you can be temporarily distracted but you will go back and find whatever it was I wanted you to forget about (these days it the TV remotes).  You are standing but will only walk with your walker or holding our hands; you LOVE climbing up stairs even if its just one step – but you can not yet get down so that screech I mentioned, lets me know you need a helping hand.  You love water we went for our first ocean swim together at Hahei beach and our first pool swim at a hotel in Tauranga but you are just as happy with a sippy cup that you can splash all over yourself.

You see Nana and Poppa every day, Nana pops down each morning and you squeal with delight if you hear her coming down the stairs you crawl super fast to the door to greet her.  This morning you were laying down having your bottle (I’m trying to get you to hold it yourself) when Nana came in the room you flapped on the floor like a fish, trying to get up quickly – You love our Family you get so excited when you see Nana and Poppa or Aunty Haley, Noah, Van and Florence.  When you see uncle Piri you grin a cheeky sweet grin and a look on your face like you want to  have a little chat with him or give him a big cuddle.

My Little Bunny, this time last year I was trying to get some sleep knowing I was going in for a C Section at 8am the excitement and nerves were bubbling.  Thinking of it now i smile as my hearts fills with warmth thinking of you my special little lady.  I love you with all my heart and more.  Happy First Birthday Roxy Bunny XX

I cant believe it, time is flying by and as much as I LOVE watching you grow, change and learn it’s sad to think my baby is moving on so quickly – I console myself by remembering you are mine and you are here forever 🙂

I’ve just given you your 10pm feed, you’re not feeling too great as you had your 5mths jabs today; you let out a yelp with each one and then settled quickly with cuddles and a bottle. I’ve just snuggled you lots today, we lay on the floor giggling then you’d remember you weren’t feeling great so you’d get upset again meaning the cuddles/dancing around the room would commence.

I’m currently planning your daycare start date, I need to have you in a few days before I go back to work as I know Ill cry (I tear up just thinking about leaving you) so I want to make sure I don’t turn up to work on my first day back in a bundle of tears.. I think I’m in shock that the time for me to go back has already arrived 🙁

Back to you-you are very chilled and smiley, everyone says how adorable you are and makes comment of how happy you are too.  You smile a lot and when you giggle it is as gorgeous as the day I first heard it. You’re also finding your voice chatting away and squealing on the odd occasion too..
You still wake for feeds during the night, approx 4 hrly but you go down well and always wake up smiling. You’re asleep when I feed you during the night and its still one of my favourite times with you – Its quite magical! you finish you milk then after about 5-10 mins you grin ear to ear before drifting into a deeper sleep.

I’m a little (ok quite a lot) anxious about going back to work but ultimately we will make it work because its what needs to happen. I know you will love your daycare as you are quite social already and they seem wonderful there but it does make me sad that I cant spend my days with you; If I could afford to spend longer off work I absolutely would!

but for now, ill sign off or ill get upset so ill sneak in and check on you one last time before I jump in to bed myself, goodnight my beautiful Roxy Bunny XX

For the first few weeks you slept all the time then you decided your awake time was around 6pm at night instead of 6am in the morning – I am working with you to change that!

you snort and snuffle a lot.  My little snuffaluffagus, its adorable.

your eyes are blue and although they may not stay that colour I hope they do.

you’re growing so fast and as much as i love watching you grow and develop I get sad that my newborn is not a newborn anymore.  I even struggled moving you up from newborn nappies 🙂

You fart a lot and man do they stick – Rotorua in human form

You’re a very calm baby girl, taking in the world but I think you are very happy chilling with Mum and seem very happy and comfortable.

You pick and choose when you will take a dummy..  sometimes you love it and sometimes I think you wish Mummy would get that thing out of your face!

Your favorite place in the house is on the change table, its surrounded with black and white and you look around and it calms you..

You love the bunnies on your wall – now that you smile we say good morning to them every morning and you light up smiling ear to ear.. you have giggled once but I’m yet to get you to do it again.

Nana visits you every morning before she goes to work, she aims for 7am so that she can cuddle you picking you up even if your still asleep because 7am is you wake up time.

You hold my little finger, clasping it with your whole hand, as I feed you your bottle.

I wrote the notes above a few weeks ago, now I have a few more to add..

Your little tongue is always out, we call you ‘little lizzard’ except for Florence who cant say the ‘L’ so she says ‘Zizzard’ which is very very cute.

You can now handle a little tummy time without crying, I put you on a tri-pillow with a few toys in front of you and you can last a good 10 minutes happily.

I moved you into your own room tonight, mine now seems very big and empty.  I always thought I’d have you in your room by about 3 weeks but then you were born and home with me and I wanted you close, I enjoy having you close.  If I miss you too much tonight ill be moving you back xx

You are going down to sleep well at night.  We are up feeding 10pm (dreamfeed) then around 2am, 5am and wake up time is 7am- a full night sleep is a distant memory as I didn’t sleep well through the last few months of pregnancy (they say that is your body getting you ready for parenthood).

We have a couple of chat times each day, you are getting more and more chatty; you smile and make gorgeous sounds making new sounds all the time.  They’re one of my favorite moments of each day.  that, and when I hold you asleep in my arms right before I put you down to bed, belly full of milk and wrapped up tight reminds me of the newborn you even though it was only 3 months ago, so much has happened, you are growing up so fast!

After a very chilled, quiet Christmas I received a phone call confirming I had been booked into Waitakere Hosiptal for an induction;  you were growing fast due to me having gestational diabetes so it was time for you to come out.

I’ve not felt so excited and nervous in my life..  excited I would finally get to see your face and have you in my arms and nervous for the experience of birthing you into this world.

I turned up to hospital first thing Monday morning with my bags packed knowing when I went home I would have you with me but in my arms not my tummy. Turns out you are as strong willed as your Mother, I endured six attempts at induction throughout the week (including a balloon induction which is exactly as it sounds) and you still wouldn’t budge – you were clearly quite comfy in there. After four long days and nights strapped up to machines, eating rubbish food and watching many other Mums come and go home with their babies we were eventually booked in for a C Section first thing Friday morning.

The nurses moved me into a private room on the Thursday evening so I could get a good sleep before you arrived, its hard to sleep with snoring mums sleeping next to you..  Nana and Aunty Haley went home to get their sleep so that we were all prepared for your arrival.  The nurse woke me at 6am to prep for surgery so I quickly called Nana & Aunty telling them to come in earlier than we planned.

I was prepped and ready to go, Aunty Haley came in with us and Nana waited nervously in our room;  all went well – I continued to throw up throughout the procedure thanks to the morphine but all was forgotten as soon as I saw you.  They had been telling me I was having a big baby but you looked pretty damn small to me; and your hair, you had so much hair perhaps the wives tale is correct and that is what caused my indigestion?:)

By memory as soon as I saw you I called out mooshy..  you were so cute and mooshy..

Even though I was a little groggy from the procedure I’m sure I was grinning from ear to ear and just couldn’t stop staring at you – you were so adorable and the love I felt/feel for you is like nothing else, I thought my heart might explode! (cliche but so true).

20 January 2017

I haven’t written in a while but want to share the lowdown before I forget how everything took shape..

Pre Christmas I was going flat out at work, preparing for hand over and as wonderfully supportive my work mates had been I was definitely looking forward to finishing up as it meant you were near to arriving and I would get to put my feet up for a few weeks first.  I was still on drugs for my nausea and indigestion not to mention taking insulin four times a day for the gestational diabetes I had developed.  Other than that, all was well youre room was coming along nicely, I had a surplus of stuff thanks to Aunty Haley and many many gifts 🙂

We (your Nana, Aunty and I) decided to bring forward the date of the baby shower as it was looking as though you would be arriving before your due date (29 January 2017)..  It was a really nice day held at a boutique cake store called Bluebells Bakery we snacked on yummy sweet treats and homemade sausage rolls.  I was spoilt rotten receiving all sorts of beautiful gifts including an awesome Bambi Lamp from Nana, Poppa, Aunty Haley and Uncle Piri.

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything but not for any real reason.. I went on a little baby moon with your Aunty and Nana which was just what I needed in fact I think we will have to do a similar trip each year from here on in.
Works been super busy and all of a sudden I’m 32wks pregnant and my belly has grown significantly in the last three weeks. Swollen feet and hands mean I’m not wear rings or shoes – thank god it’s summer and I can wear jandals every day!
You’re wriggling a lot more these days, I can feel your foot under my bra line and a foot and hand towards my right elbow; makes everything feel more real that’s for sure. I feel you move the most in the mornings around 5/6am and around 7.30/8pm so I’m guessing you’ll be awake these times when you arrive 🙂

Youre now 22 weeks old, l took your Nana and Aunty with me to my scan last week so we all got to see you which was really special! Since then I’ve been gifted a multitude of clothes and others things that were your cousins so the house is filling up fast!
I’ve started to feel you move, well I’m pretty sure I have – mostly at night, I feel lil moments of pressure/muscle tension/ flurry/movements like nothing I’ve ever felt before and I love it; little reminders that you’re growing and swimming around.
Who knew I could feel excited, nervous, alert, nauseated, worried, happy and at peace all at once.. What’s next?

It’s been a while since I written anything, guess I’ve just been lazy because I’ve thought about writing and I’ve talked to you a lot over the past few weeks.

Weeks 14 through 18 were tough, I’ve put on weight but don’t have a pregnancy bump and didn’t feel you. Even though I’ve been ill throughout not being able to see you or know you were ok was hard – I drove myself a little crazy in fact.  I was so overjoyed when I heard your heartbeat at my last midwife appointment (@18wks).

I’m now 19wks and totally looking forward to the next scan at 21wks so I can see you and hopefully have confirmation all is  as it should be!

Im still on anti nausea meds which sux but is way way better than not taking them.. I wouldn’t  be able to function. I go to bed earlier than ever before and burp all the time. I still crave chocolate milk shakes a couple of times a week and although I have to eat all the time to help battle the nausea im so sick of food (never thought I’d say that.. Ever!)

I’m almost 12 weeks and every day I hope my nausea will be better than yesterday.

I can still only really stomach bland food like crumpets, toast, mashed potato and chocolate milk, oh and Whittakers almond gold chocolate 🙂

All my pants are uncomfortable and I had to buy a night light for the bathroom because the bathroom light is too bright when I get up in the middle of the night.

I’ve been quiet on this blog and I think I’ve figured out why..  Its been about 5 weeks since I’ve seen my my little person on a screen and although I have no reason to think anything is wrong, I still have moments of nervousness hoping the little monkey is still growing as he/she needs too – not being able to see the little mite is tough, I’m guessing as I see my belly grow it will feel more real and Ill feel more secure about whats going on inside of me?

I’ve got my 12 week scan in 3 days time and I’m really looking forward to it, (but id be lying if I said there wasn’t a hint of nerves).

I saw you today – a little cute blob on a screen with a very cute blur of a beating heart which of course made me cry with joy and relief..  your Nana was with me and she absolutely shed a tear or three 🙂

I was so excited to see that you were tucked into the right place and you are the size you are meant to be 7 weeks in.  Its starting to feel very real and I’m slowly allowing myself to really get excited.  Bring on 12 weeks I know that will be my next sigh of relief – I’m already worrying about you; guess i should get very used to that!